You Are Here...

There's a place in life that everyone finds.

Some people wander accidentally into it, not having done a thing to deserve it.

Others weave in and out of life so fast and dirty that they back themselves into it like a corner they didn't realize was behind them.

However you ended up in that place, you have two options.

1. You can wallow in self-pity until you have to join back in with the "real world" and be calloused and use the "place" as justification for every choice you make for the rest of your life.

Or...

2. You can pick up your stones, and learn to be your true self.

Realizing that you are in the place you are can be the ugliest part.

There you are, living your life, and then it hits you.

The cold, hard truth falls to the bottom of your stomach and sends electricity up to your ears and down to your fingers.

You might think that since you noticed there is something you can do to fix it,
 and for a second you might think you have a chance,
but once you really comprehend where you are,
its too late to go back. 

You're there, and you probably don't even realize how the hell you got there.

Once you come to, you start to remember.
Everything that you didn't block from your memory comes back like a flood.

Words, kisses, promises, lies; everything in the time between you and every single thing you wish that you still had.

All of it plays back, flipping from one thing to the next so fast that you can't make sense of the emotion you feel when you remember it. And it all it all keeps coming and coming and changing and replaying so fast and powerful that all you can do is STOP.

You stop, and you rest.

After you decide to come back- even if you think you never will, eventually you do- you have to choose.

You have to choose if you are going to stay in this place, or if you are going to stack up your stones and move forward..

~.~.~.~.~

I am hurt.

I have been kicked by every love that and I am still the first to forgive, the first to open back up.

I want others to do it for me so I do it for them.

I opened new doors before I shut others , but I have been honest, asked for forgiveness and paid emotionally for everything.

I see the things that I've done wrong, but it doesn't feel equal to what was done to me.

I know that a sin is a sin, but the emotional fallout of one can't always be fairly compared to the other.

My whole life I have been good. I've followed the rules, obeyed my parents, tried my best and loved the Lord.

But for some damn reason that doesn't seem to amount to anything.

They say that good things happen to good people,

but sometimes it seems like unnecessary and heartbreaking shit happens to good people for no real reason.

Every time I turn around I get rejected and abandoned.

I don't seem to be worth loyalty..

It's times like these that I hope desperately that all things truly work together for those who love Him.. And that this heart wrenching pain is because his purpose is so incredible that my version of happiness cant even compare.And that this rejection is a nudge to the path that is His purpose for me.